There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
