We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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