she woke up with a sticky ear
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
