Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
