dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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