Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
