I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
