I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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