she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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