I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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