She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
