I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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