i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
