If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He felt like a one man threesome
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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