Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
