i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
