judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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