Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
