i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
