the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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