Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Never joke about your clitoris.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
