we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
