Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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