i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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