i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
