i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
