fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
