Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
