69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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