you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
