i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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