Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i now understand why vodka
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
