Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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