babies were throwing up all over the place
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
They are going to name an STD after you.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
