I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
