Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
