with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
