I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
