Jerry, you need to find god
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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