I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my shit smells like andre
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
