I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
