Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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