who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
