He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
