There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
