she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize