That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Also, beer. Big fan.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
