i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
this must be what syphilis tastes like
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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