I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
