look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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