I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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